"Quotable Quotes"

Chris: Kent put his name on his license plate.
Mitch: My mother does that to my underwear.
Chris: Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?

Hathaway: You still run?
Chris: Only when chased.

Chris:We only had one entry for the Madame Curie look-alike contest, and he was disqualified. Why do I bother?

Chris: This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.

Jerry: I noticed you stopped stuttering.
Bodie: I've been giving myself shock treatments.
Jerry: Up the voltage.

Bodie: Well, Kent, it looks like it goes from God, to Jerry, to you, to the cleaners.

Old Lady: Tell me, what's Einstein really like?
Hathaway: Dead.

[Mitch speaking through the microphone so that Kent hears voices in his head]
Mitch: And from now on, stop playing with yourself!
Kent: It is God!

Mitch: The weirdest thing just happened to me.
Chris: Was it a dream where you were standing in sort of sun-god robes on top of a pyramid, and there were hundreds of naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch: No...
Chris: Why am I the only one who has that dream?

Chris: If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want... Well, that's where you're right. But -- and I am only saying that because I care -- there's a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty a s the real thing.

Chris: Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself?

Hathaway: What are you looking at? You're laborers; you should be laboring. That's what you get for not having an education.

Hathaway: Mitch, will you miss your friends?
Mitch: Uh, no sir, I think I intimidated most of them.

Chris: So, if there's anything I can do for you, or, more to the point, to you, you just let me know.
Cynthia: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris: Not right now.
Cynthia: A girl's gotta have her standards.

Kent: You're all a bunch of degenerates!
Chris: Oh, really? Well, what about that time I found you naked with that bowl of jello?
Kent: You did not!
Chris (to Mitch): This is true.
Kent: Yeah, well I was hot and I was hungry!

Mitch: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
Chris: You've seen him too?
Mitch: Who is he?
Chris: Hollyfeld.
Mitch: Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris: Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there!
Chris: Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him!
Mitch: Yeah...
Chris: Think before you ask these questions, Mitch! Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?

Chris: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?"

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